Sunday, 22 January 2012

The Second Coming of Christ

The Second Coming of Christ did not turn out quite as expected. Recognisable from His likeness on the Shroud of Turin and by the holes in His wrists and ankles (not the hands and feet as often erroneously depicted), the returned Christ lived high on a mountain from where He would jump and soar, before swooping down to the fields below, emitting an awful screech, and there catching in his talons living prey on which to feast. Sometimes the victim would be mere cattle, but usually they were a human being: more often than not young and succulent, and living in no notable degree of sinfulness.

At first there were efforts to see this development as a new manifestation of His all-conquering love, but reluctantly it was accepted by most that He had certainly changed in His absence. It was therefore decided by religious leaders that, as still unarguably divine, the new Jesus should be tolerated, but not encouraged through the traditional acts of worship and prayer.

And so He lived, high up on His mountain; His former flock below, hoping that one day He would go back from whence He came, and for peace to come for all.


  1. Absolutely hilarious. And living in no notable degree of sinfulness. Brilliant!

  2. Great story my friend. Really enjoyed it. Look forward to reading more, and i'll look out for your other stuff.

  3. So I was wrong all along. I thought he'd come back as an aardvark.